


Master of Communication

by somanyfeels



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Broken Bones, But only when he asks for one, Implied/Referenced Torture, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks, Protective Pepper, Rhodey Is a Good Bro, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2015-10-13
Packaged: 2018-04-26 04:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4990396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somanyfeels/pseuds/somanyfeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony didn't like being touched, on the rare occasions he wanted physical contact he would initiate it.  It was how things were, how it had always been, and he was fine with it.  His new team didn't know, they just kept touching and Tony wasn't quite sure how to ask them to stop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Master of Communication

**Author's Note:**

  * For [quality_garbage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/quality_garbage/gifts).



The first time it had happened after the team moved into the tower, they were gathering in the kitchen to eat breakfast.  Tony had already been awake, spent the night in the workshop designing clean energy generators that were affordable for every home.  It was the company’s goal at the moment, bringing electricity to the world. Sleep hadn’t been a priority, nor had it even crossed his mind to go to bed.  It wasn’t until Jarvis informed him that Steve was making breakfast did he realize he had worked through the night.

It was early still, barely eight in the morning, and the team was gathering.  Tony didn’t know what to think of that.  Were they all early risers?  That could be a problem if they wanted to mess with his already unpredictable sleep schedule.  Perhaps he should just go to bed now, or was it mandatory for team members to have breakfast together?  Tony blinked, it was hard to open his eyes after that.  Certainly he wouldn’t be reprimanded if he just left the table and went to bed, and if he was then it wouldn’t be important.  Wouldn’t be the first time he had been yelled at for sleeping during important events, which had been what had happened during the first few board meetings his father ever dragged him to.  He could live with it.

“Hey, Stark.”  A voice said. Tony’s eyes shot open, all thoughts of exhaustion leaving him as energy flooded his system as a fist punched his shoulder.  Clint.  “Welcome back to the land of the living.”

Tony leaned away and frowned.  He hit him just enough to make it sting, Clint had actually attacked him in his own kitchen, and sounded happy about it.  Tony turned away when the man sat down next to him.  He didn’t know if they were in an argument, if he had made a mistake or not, what he had done to warrant an attack.  Perhaps Clint was upset, maybe it was just a friendly little tap.  Tony didn’t like it either way.  People weren’t supposed to touch him.

“Do you want any pancakes, Stark?”  Steve said, he had a spatula in hand and was piling up a few plates.

“Do your pancakes have gluten?  I heard that gluten-free was all the rage these days so I decided to give it a shot.  I am Mr. With-The-Times so it’s important for me to get with whatever kids these days are into and if it’s healthy eating then who am I to blame them.”  Tony said quickly.  He had the odd feeling of being closed in when Natasha sat down on his other side.  If he had offended Clint than Natasha would be angry with him as well.

Steve set a plate right in front of him, his hands just barely brushing against Tony’s.  It was soft, seemingly accidental, but Tony pulled back quickly.  People didn’t touch him like that, friendly and thoughtlessly. If they did, it meant that they were either ignoring his hints that he was uncomfortable or that they wanted something from him.  

Then Steve sat down and smiled, reaching out to take the syrup and touching Natasha casually when she handed it to him.  Tony’s frown deepened as he watched.  He continued studying them and hoped he was wrong.  Clint reached around him, his arm settling on Tony’s shoulders as he wiped some butter off of Natasha’s cheek.

He couldn’t, the touch of the arm on his shoulder sent shivers down his spine.  Tony stood up quickly and without a word he left the room.  No one called out for him or tried to stop them, but he noticed their curious glances as he left.  The feeling was still there, their hands and arms brushing against him and touching him. It was uncomfortable, the crawling under his skin didn’t stop even when he made it up to his floor, locked it down and denied everyone access, and curled up under his covers.

He wasn’t tired anymore though, instead his mind was running about as fast as it would have if he was fully rested and on his third cup of coffee. All Tony could think about was why people thought that was okay.  He understood that it was a common occurrence, he had seen enough people just out with their friends or loved ones and touching their arms, or holding hands, or just pressing against one another casually as they sat side by side.  But people didn’t do that with him.

Even children understood the casual touches, they played tag with their friends, cuddled together during sleepovers, and hugged each other constantly. No one ever did that with him, something about him just told everyone around not to touch him like that and for his entire life it had been consistent.  Now things were different and he didn’t like that it was changing.

When he could eventually calm down, which took longer than what was probably necessary, he fell asleep.  It would be better when he woke up, hopefully.  They’ll get the memo that they’re not supposed to touch him eventually.

Exhausted, Tony slept through the day.  When he woke up he was hungry, had abandoned breakfast rather quickly the day before, but refreshed.  The ideas were flowing freely through his mind about the generators.  It seemed simple now, it was a material issue, nothing to do with the design.  The metal he was using was too expensive, there were cheaper alternatives that would help reduce the cost of manufacturing and make it more affordable to the public.  He could buy cheaper materials without affecting quality, he knew just the way to do it.

“Stark!  Come, join us.”  The elevator doors opened before Tony could get down to his workshop and a large arm was thrown over his shoulders.  His whole body tensed at the contact, his skin burning from where Thor was pressing his arm against him.  “We were about to watch a film, you should be there.”

“No, I have work.  Normal, mortal, human things like responsibility and employment.”  Tony said.  He tried to push Thor’s arm off of him and pull away, but it wouldn’t budge. Panic rose in him, he felt trapped once more, unable to pull one way or another without the arm putting more pressure on different parts of his back and shoulder.  If he didn’t move, it wouldn’t move.  It had to get  _off_  of him though.  He needed it gone.  

“But certainly you could take a break from your work to join us in a group activity.  It is good for a team such as ours to be familiar with one another.”  Thor said, when Tony tried to push him away again he only pulled him closer until their torsos were pressed against each other. Tony went still, the feeling of being surrounded had smothered any protest he could think of.

When Thor started steering him towards the entertainment room, Tony went willingly simply because walking reduced the points of contact rather than if Thor had to drag him.  The whole team was gathered around on the couch, pressed against one another with legs and arms thrown around each other carelessly.  They were staring at the tv, sifting through the assortment of available films that were available.

He was guided to the heavily populated couch, his heart beating out of his chest as the team seemed to part and make room for him.  It would have been a kind gesture if he hadn’t officially been trapped by them.  Natasha threw her legs over Tony’s lap and Bruce was pressed against his side, practically leaning into him.  It was horrible, he felt every tiny fidget and brush of their small movements, it was almost as if it was grating against his nerves.

“Let’s watch Pacific Rim.”  Natasha said. Clint had the remote and he nodded in agreement.  “Cinematic masterpiece.”

It was alright, in Tony’s opinion.  The machines weren’t realistic, and Tony couldn’t help but question how long it would take them to build a single giant robot when there are monsters attacking major cities, but he still drooled whenever he saw them.  He doubted he would be able to enjoy the film this time around, not with Natasha’s foot tapping against his thigh and Clint’s shoulder digging into his ribs.  It wasn’t right, he could not sit like this for several hours.

What did these people want from him?  Everyone else in the world never wanted to just lean against him and touch him like this.  People wanted to sleep with him and business partners wanted to shake his hand, that was about it.  That was all it had ever been.  That was familiar, comfortable.  Even then, he didn’t shake anyone’s hand if he didn’t want to and Happy would make sure people stayed away with their casual touches.  If he was interested though, he would touch them, put a hand on their backs and sweet talk them.  That was how he should be touched, when he expected it, when he knew about it before it happened, not this random assortment of accidental and seemingly friendly brushes.

He stood up before the intro of the movie was finished and walked out of the room without a word, once again curious eyes followed him.  Now he felt like he was being rude, but still they should know not to touch him.  Even Pepper and Rhodey knew and they weren’t spies or super soldiers or alien princes, they were just his friends.  He jabbed the button for the elevator and smiled when the doors closed around him, putting another layer between him and them.  Pepper and Rhodey never touched him out of turn, and if they did they always projected their movements and was slow, giving Tony enough time to pull away. Or, Tony made it clear that the touch was either welcome or he initiated the contact himself.  They just knew, they took the time and care to understand that part of him.

“Call Rhodey.”  He said as soon as he was safe and locked away in his workshop.  With a flick of the wrist he pulled up the blueprints he had open last night.

A tone sounded to indicate that the call was being connected.  “This better not be about Captain Rogers again. I don’t care how annoying he is, I’m not going to convince anyone to demote him.”  Rhodey said as soon as he answered the phone.

Tony rolled his eyes.  “No, honey bunny.  This is not about Captain Underpants, this is about me.”  He said.

“Isn’t everything?”  Rhodey said with an amused chuckle.

“Why do I even talk to you?  You do nothing but make fun of me.”  Tony said.  “I should just find new friends.  I bet they would treat me right.”

“Alright, maybe then they could teach you to clean up your own messes.”

Tony groaned.  “Nothing is a mess, okay.  I didn’t make a mess, everything is fine.”  He said.  The silence on Rhodey’s end of the line was answer enough.  He didn’t believe him.  “It’s just the team.  They’re always here and they’re making themselves comfortable in my house and I don’t like it.”

“That’s kinda what happens when you ask people to move in, Tony.”  Rhodey said, his voice sounded fond.  Tony didn’t need fondness right now, he needed these people to stop touching him.  

“They’re casual touchers, Rhodey.  They won’t stop, they always want to be pressed against me one way or another and it’s appalling.  Make them stop.”  Tony said. He didn’t mention his shaking hands or the ghost sensations of the hands on him.  It was such a silly thing to be upset about, but Rhodey understood it.

There was silence on the other end of the line, which was probably good. Rhodey was thinking, he would fix this. Tony looked around the workshop while he waited, a coffee machine was on the counter just a few feet away, some caffeine would do him good.  Then he could get back to work.  Pepper and the board would be pleased, the company would do some good, and life would go on.

He pondered what it would be like to just move down to the workshop. He could build all day and only come out when he had important press conferences and go on missions whenever they were called in.  It would be perfect, he wouldn’t be in danger of them coming too close, their sleep schedules wouldn’t affect his, and he could upgrade all of their equipment a dozen times over.  He could move his bed down here, build himself a separate room, and then he would be set.  Tony could just live in the workshop.

“Have you tried talking to them?”  Rhodey said.  “For someone who talks so much, you’re surprisingly terrible at it.  Just explain to them that you don’t like being touched.  I’m sure they would understand.  They seem like okay people who wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Tony rolled his eyes.  “No, then they’re just going to want an explanation.  Like, ‘Oh, no. Tony doesn’t like being touched, what’s the reason for that.’  And then they’ll get nosey and annoying and disappointed when they find out there isn’t a good reason for any of it.”  Tony said. He could imagine it.  The team thinking he wasn’t hugged enough as a kid or something and deciding to give him an excessive amount of physical contact to fix it but that would just make it all worse.  

“I’m sure that’s not how it would go, but I understand the concern.” Rhodey said, Tony would have felt like someone was talking down to him if that tone of voice had come from anyone else.  But this was Rhodey, Tony knew when he was joking and he knew when he was being insulted. “These guys are your teammates. You didn’t stop talking about them for months after New York.  I’m sure they would willingly accept that you’re not comfortable with people touching you.  Just tell them that if you want to be touched, you would initiate it, and they would stop.”

He sounded determined to explain it.  To convince Tony that this was the best course of action.  Maybe it was, it didn’t matter.  He hadn’t needed to explain it to Rhodey and Pepper, they just figured it out after a while and waited for him to let them know he was open for contact.  They learned, certainly this team of spies and soldiers would be able to get it just fine.

“You’re not going to talk to them, are you?”  Rhodey said.

“Now, why would you say that?  I talk to them constantly.”  Tony said. He looked at the prototype of the generator sitting in the corner.  “I am the master of communication.”

Rhodey chuckled.  “That is a lie.”  He said. Tony smiled at that.  It was a lie.  “Take care of yourself.  Don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable.  You deserve to feel safe in your own home.  I’ll fly out there and fight all of you if I have to.”

After he hung up, Tony breathed easier.  Things would be okay, they always felt a bit better when Rhodey reasoned things out.  Although he wouldn’t follow his advice, Tony couldn’t talk about this to them.  He couldn’t reason it out and make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal.  It wasn’t actually, Tony just didn’t like to be touched when he wasn’t prepared for it. No one was supposed to touch him and if there was any contact it was only because Tony was okay with it.  He would make the effort for that contact so Pepper and Rhodey and everyone else would know that it was okay.  The team would figure it out.

It would be fine.  Tony spent a few days in the workshop to finish his project, it would certainly make Pepper happy, and he could have that time to figure out what he was going to do.  He couldn’t avoid them all forever, no matter how appealing that plan seemed, and he had to interact with them in order to be a good teammate.

~~~

Once the prototypes were finished, 57 hours later, he had calmed down immensely.  He no longer felt the hands and arms resting against him.  He didn’t feel the tickling sensation of someone moving against him. He was okay.

The team was sitting around the kitchen table again when he came out, all chatting in their various seats about one thing or another.  Tony didn’t waste too much energy paying attention.  Bruce was cooking this time, it smelled interesting and the pan in front of him had a variety of colors and textures in it. His stomach growled.

“Finally crawled out of your cave to rejoin modern society, I see.” Clint said, smiling at Tony.

“I don’t know what you mean by ‘rejoin’.  I was busy revolutionizing modern society.”  Tony said.  Clint rolled his eyes and scooted his chair closer to Tony’s.  Tony moved his away.  “What did I miss while I was changing the world?”

Clint’s smile widened, but didn’t make any further effort to get closer to Tony.  That was good, he was learning.  “Cap said he had a boner about six times yesterday.”  He said.

Tony laughed at that, then turned his head and laughed harder when he saw the bright red flush that had taken over Steve’s face.  “It didn’t mean the same thing back then!  It meant ‘mistake’ back in the 40’s.”  Steve said.  He shook his head quickly.  “I can’t believe this has become my life.  What is happening?”

“You had a boner about your boner?”  Tony said.

Steve sighed, and Tony was fascinated with how the blush from his face seemed to spread down his neck and under his shirt. Clint barked out a laugh.  He lifted his hand into the air above him and aimed it towards Tony, yet making no effort to continue on the rest of the way and slapping him.  Tony still flinched, just a slight movement that he was quick cover up with a cough. Natasha raised an eyebrow at him and Clint dropped his hand.

Oh, he wanted a high-five.  It didn’t make sense, people didn’t want to give Tony high-fives.  In his experience, when people raised a hand to him it was usually to attack him, not to display comradery.  It was fine though, Clint had backed off and now he wasn’t going to try again.  Tony didn’t do high-fives.

The assembly alarm sounded everyone was out of their seats in an instant. Bruce took the time to turn off the stove and shut the lights before walking slowly to the hanger where the Quinjet was waiting.  He didn’t need to get his suit, he had no reason to hurry.  Tony did have to hurry though, the armor took a bit of time to piece itself together around him.

The armor wrapped around him snugly, warm, mechanical, and pressed against his skin.  It was familiar, he had designed the whole thing himself, had memorized each line of code, each piece of circuitry, and the feel of the metal against his skin felt almost like nothing out of place.  Thor and Bruce were already in the hanger by the time he got there, the rest of the team only a few minutes behind him.  They all discussed the plan of action as they piled in and took off.

Halfway around the world, some Russian scientist was trying to create better and energy efficient substitutes for plastic and instead created animated blobs of seemingly indestructible goo that was causing mayhem.  Tony sighed.  Half the work of being an Avenger seemed to involve shutting down rogue experiments.  

“Stark, do you have a read on them?”  Steve said right after they touched down.

The scans were running, analyzing density and strength alongside speed and size.  “They’re basically liquid plastic.”  Tony said as his eyes skimmed over the data.  He aimed a repulsor at one that was wrapping itself around a nearby car and crushing it slowly.  The blast was strong enough shoot a hole through it, but almost instantly the space refilled itself as the blob reformed.  “Resilient as fuck.  You cut a piece off it just comes straight back.  Strong too, wouldn’t want to get any on you because it’ll just wrap itself around you and constrict until you’re crushed to death.”

He said the last part with a mixture of tension and fascination.  The car in front of him was now nothing more than a ball of crumpled metal.  He could just imagine what some of that could do to an arm or a leg.  “I think we should get Clint and Natasha back. They’ll probably be best helping evacuate and help civilians.”

“Good call.”  Steve said. There were still civilians running through the streets and away from the things, Tony wasn’t quite sure what to call them yet.  Clint and Natasha both spoke Russian, they were good at getting people away from danger, and would be most useful in keeping people calm.  “Stark, at what temperature does plastic melt?”

“About 170 degrees Celsius, why?”  Tony said.  “You want to try to melt them down, see if that will stop them?”

“Not a good idea.”  Bruce said over the comms.  “If you melt plastic it will release toxic fumes into the air, you should make sure the evacuation is as thorough as possible before melting down a few dozen plastic blob monsters.”

“We really need to come up with a name for these things.”  Tony said. No one answered him.

Steve joined Clint and Natasha in protecting civilians.  They were helping people out of buildings, were cornered by the creatures, out of half demolished cars.  They were doing good.  Tony and Thor were left to keep the things back and away from people.  It was difficult.  They couldn’t touch them, Tony wasn’t sure how strong something would have to be to crush Thor, but he didn’t want to find out.  Thor swung his hammer at them, clearly trusting that the plastic blob monstrosities couldn’t harm the metal.  Tony hit them with repulsor blasts not hot enough to melt them but enough to keep them away.

A man cried out, he had run closer to the monsters to get his shoe that had fallen off and was now terrified about being near the things.  Thor acted first, swinging the hammer around and shooting the closest blob with a bolt of lightning.  It exploded, bits of it flying around and Tony’s scanners lit up as the fumes spread through the area.  He flew, catching the guy in his arms and dragging him away from it and towards fresher air.

“Stay back.”  Tony said as he dropped him unceremoniously onto the ground where the police where.  

The larger chunks of the blob was a motionless pile of lignified goo, the smaller pieces were crawling around and trying to reform.  Thor’s lightning had been hot, but it was clear he had been holding back enough to not melt it completely.  

“Shit!”  Pain shot through his leg as the metal bucked and dug into the skin. Looking down, he found the cause. One of the pieces that had gone flying had landed on the suit, spread itself until it encompassed his left leg, and was now constricting hard enough to crack the armor.  He could feel the metal creek and give way under the pressure, slicing through his skin easy until he felt a bone snap.  He blasted his own foot, full power so it was hot enough to melt it away.  The superheated metal of the suit burned against his skin, but it protected him against the damage of the extreme heat of the blast.

“Please tell me we’re clear to burn these things to hell!”  Tony shouted. There was a pause.  “And damn it we really need to come up with a name for these things.  I can’t just keep calling them the plastic blob things.”

“We’re clear.”  Steve said.  

That was all he needed, hovering above the ground so he could avoid putting pressure on his leg, he fired at every blob in sight.  He was almost surprised that it worked.  They melted down into nothing but immobile, lifeless puddles.  The air filled with fumes that quickly disappeared in the well ventilated space that was the outside.  Anyone nearby would have been poisoned, but at the distance the civilians were being kept they would be fine.  Thor didn’t seem to mind at all the foulness of the air, the suits ventilation kept Tony safe.

SHIELD sent in a team to do clean up. Having a town full of deadly monster puddles was going to help no one.  Medics were stationed several hundred feet from where the battle had taken place and where most of the civilians had gathered.  No casualties, a few dozen injured, a successful mission all things considered.  Tony didn’t want to take off the armor, even when the team frowned at the crushed metal around his leg and the blood dripping through the cracks.  He didn’t want doctors to be looking him over and prodding at the cracked skin and clearly broken bones.  He wanted to go home and take a nap.

“Take off the suit, Stark.”  Steve said, crossing his arms.  “No one’s going to steal it, the battle is over.  Get your leg checked out before we have to cut it off.”

“No, I think I’m good.”  Tony said.  He had a doctor back in New York.  One that knew all of his medical history and sworn into secrecy over his health information.  He trusted her to look him over, to make accurate judgements on his health.  If he was going to have anyone look over his leg, it would be her.  “I think I’ll wait until I see actual professionals, not whoever SHIELD put in a tent.  They’re probably interns, god help my soul if I ever let an interning medical student mess with my goods.”

“Stark, someone has to look at your leg as soon as possible.  Take off the suit before I pry you out of it.”  Steve said.  The commanding tone was still in his voice, still trying to lead even after the battle was won.

Tony frowned.  “Fine.”  He said. He wasn’t doing it for Steve, he was doing it because he had to get the boot off because his leg was starting to feel like it was on fire.  Throbbing waves of pure pain was overwhelming all other senses and as much as he hated to admit it, Steve was right about this.  The sooner he got someone to fix his leg, the better.

With only one leg to lean on, taking off the suit was difficult.  It folded off of him easily, but he had to reach out and put a hand on Steve’s shoulder to steady himself as he tried to step out.  It was fine, he just needed the extra support for a few seconds.  He didn’t mind it.  Steve was still, his hands coming up to hold onto Tony’s chest to stop him from leaning too far one way or another and collapsing.  Tony didn’t mind that either, he had expected it when he reached out to Steve for support.

The crushed boot around his leg would have to wait to come out.  Once the doctors had pulled the shards of broken metal out of his leg it would start bleeding freely and it would be best to put that off until everyone was ready. Tony preferred to have most of his blood inside his body.

He was led to the far corner of one of the medical tents, a curtain separating him from everyone else.  Once he sat down on the cot they had waiting for him he pushed away Steve’s hands.  Bit by agonizing bit, the metal was pulled off of his leg and the mild painkillers he was given didn’t do much to help.  It was painful and Tony gripped onto the thin sheets on the cot he was sitting on.

A warm hand wrapped around his and Tony’s focus left his leg and zeroed in on Natasha.  She was standing next to him and was carefully cradling his hand in her own.  Her thumb was running over Tony’s knuckles in a way he supposed would be considered comforting to some, but just made his hand shake.  When he pulled away, she didn’t try to stop him.  She did take a step back though and cross her arms.  Her face was blank, her eyebrows tipped up as if she was thinking about something.  Tony hoped she was figuring it out, the sooner they all learned that he didn’t like to be touched, the better.

His leg was a bloody mess, the skin was torn and it was swelling.  The feeling of the doctor’s hands trailing over it was uncomfortable, but necessary. It seemed to go on forever as he checked it over, finally taking out a portable x-ray device that Tony had upgraded for SHIELD time and time again.  State of the art, Tony would trust its accuracy.  Unsurprisingly, his leg was broken.

~~~

The team had gotten worse.  None of them were paying attention enough to know that they weren’t helping.  Thor offered to carry Tony everywhere he needed to go.  Clint insisted on sitting close to him during meals and sharing stories about where his scars came from, their elbows brushing against one another every so occasion.  Bruce had gotten into the habit of making tea or soup and then forcing it into his hands, repeatedly mentioning the soothing qualities of holding something warm in his hands.

Natasha and Steve were horrifying. They seemed to rely on physical affection more than anyone Tony had ever known.  One of them was always touching someone, a hand on the shoulder, a casual pat on the back, and the like.  Since Tony was injured, he felt that it was only happening more.  Steve would reach for his hand, or pull him into a hug, and even brush his hair out of his face.  Natasha was less obvious about it.  Tony almost believed she wasn’t aware of it, the way she would lean against him whenever they were sat next to one another.

If he was being honest with himself, sometimes he didn’t mind.  There were occasions when he wanted physical contact just as much as everyone else, and when that happened he didn’t mind the team’s insistence on touching him.  He would even reach out to them himself. Most of the time he didn’t though, even as they became increasingly more common he found himself surprised and put off by the way they would lean into his space and reach their hands out to him. People weren’t supposed to touch him like that.  They were supposed to leave him in his own personal bubble like they had ever since he was a kid.  Why the world wanted to change now and take away his personal space was beyond him.

He could feel it building up inside of him, the anxiety and panic of such gentle caresses wound tightly in the pit of his stomach and if he didn’t get them to stop soon it would be catastrophic. They weren’t listening, they weren’t paying attention.  He couldn’t let his life continue on as it was, with the constant fear that they would do it again.  That a member of the team would walk into the room and throw an arm over his shoulders when he didn’t want it to and then not stop.  He couldn’t do it anymore.

“Enough!”  Tony said, about a week after his injury.  They were all pressed against each other on the couch for a movie, Tony had been dragged and forced into the middle of them.  They were all touching him, one way or another, and it was quickly becoming overwhelming.  “I’m going to the lab.”

He may have shouted louder than he intended, but his body was full of pent up tension and the feeling of all of them touching him at once was too much.  He was completely surrounded by them, unable to escape the constant touches and the heat of their skin.

“No, you’re taking a break.”  Steve said, shaking his head.  “Until you’re fully healed you’re not supposed to strain yourself.  Just relax, Stark.”

“I can’t relax and honestly it’s just a broken leg!”  Tony was still shouting, even shoving some of them off of him.  None of them put up much of a fight.  They all backed away slowly and allowed Tony to have enough room to reach his crutches and stand up without getting too close.  “Broken legs do not mean I can’t sit in a chair and work. Just leave me alone.”

He stumbled, Steve reached out instinctively to catch him.  As soon as his hand curled around Tony’s elbow, Tony jerked away and straightened himself quickly.  

“Don’t touch me!”  He hissed.

It was time to leave, enough team bonding and enough movies.  There was a second round of generator prototypes sitting in his workshop that he hadn’t been able to tinker with yet.  Out of everything he could be doing, it seemed to be the most desirable.

He locked down the workshop as soon as he entered it.  Nobody could get in now.  No one could sneak up on him and touch him.  No wandering hands would find their way to his shoulders or around his arms. No one’s feet would prop themselves on top of his lap and nobody was going to press against his side.  He had space in here, room to breathe. Eventually the phantom sensations of touches would disappear and things would be okay.

Pepper showed up not too long after that.

“Don’t worry, Pep.”  Tony said, not looking up from his work.  “It’s almost finished.  Pretty soon every village in the world will have access to long lasting, clean energy.  It’ll be a temporary thing, there’s only one generator in the world that can go on forever, and I would rather it not be made readily available to the public.” Arc technology was the most powerful in the world, it could do a lot of good and a lot of bad.  Tony felt it was best to keep it to himself, at least for the time being.

“I’m actually not here to talk about that, though I do appreciate your willingness to push forward with the project.” Pepper said, smiling as she walked into the workshop like she owned it.  Tony smiled in spite of himself, no matter how uncomfortable he felt, no matter how much he wished he could lock the world away, Pepper always had a way to get past all the codes and protocols that kept the workshop doors closed.  She could be trusted with it.  “My favorite man in the world has a broken leg and yelled at Captain America, I thought I would stop by and make sure you’re doing alright.”

“Ah, I’m your favorite?”  Tony said smugly.  “I would have thought it was the Pharaoh from  _Night at the Museum_ , I saw how you looked at him when the movie came out.”

“He’s a close second.”  She said.  Pepper walked up to him and waited, standing just out of arm’s reach.

It was a simple gesture, but Tony was immediately grateful.  “They’re suffocating me, Pep.  I can’t breathe, I can’t move.  I’m trapped.” He said slowly, his eyes going back to the machine in front of him.  “They won’t stop touching me and if I tell them I won’t like it, they’ll just ask questions.  I don’t have any answers.”

It was true.  He didn’t have any answers, not good ones to rationalize his aversion to people touching him.  It was just that people never used to do it before, he had gotten used to the lack of contact and eventually it became a comfort for him.  His mother never kissed his booboos, his father never let him ride around on his shoulders.  Jarvis, ever the professional, saved physical affections for special occasions like birthdays and graduations.  Aunt Peggy was usually away on business, but hugged him the few times she was there. Anna had died young, but Tony could remember her with wide smiles and her hands gently stroking his hair or pulling him into her arm.  All physical comfort he could remember as a child came from her, and it didn’t last as long as he would have liked.

How was he supposed to explain to these people that he just didn’t enjoy people touching him?  There weren’t words that he could find to get the feeling out correctly, that if he wanted people to touch him, he would let them know.  It was uncommon that on the rare occasions he did want to be touched that they would do it without prompting, the only time he could remember was when Rhodey had found him out in the desert and pulled him into his arms.  Other than that, they waited for prompting.

Like now, Pepper kept a short distance until Tony opened his arms in invitation.  He wanted to hug her, to smell her floral perfume and feel the way her head always tilted towards his as they hugged.  Instead of being buried in the team’s touches, it was nice to just cling to someone expected and familiar.  It was nice, a perfect contrast to horrible touches that had happened just hours before.  That was one of the things he always questioned, why he would despise being touched one moment and in no time at all seek it out.  Circumstances, he supposed.  Things change rapidly and he changed with it.

“They called me.”  She muttered into his ear.  “They want to apologize for making you so uncomfortable lately. They didn’t know, but now they do.”

“They finally figured it out?” Tony asked.  She nodded.  “Good.”

“You’re still going to have to talk to them, Tony.”  Pepper said. Her commanding voice was somehow better than Steve’s.

Tony groaned.  “What’s with my friends and trying to get me to communicate? Things are fine when they’re not talked about.  It’s almost like none of it exists at all.”  He said, his voice playful and his tone light.  “Now that they know, it’s not going to be a problem.”

Pepper rolled her eyes as she pulled away.  “You are absolutely hopeless.”  She said. Tony reached up to cup her face and she leaned forward to give him a kiss on the cheek.  She knew all of his unspoken prompts, Tony was thankful for her. “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.  And talk to your team.  They’re all sad and I already have enough mopey superheroes to deal with.”

“I resent that.”  Tony said, grinning as she pulled away and walked to the door.  “I’ll have this finished up in no time.”

Tony went back to work after she left, feeling completely at ease once more.  Weeks of pent up anxiety was melting away and he felt as though he were breathing again for the first time in a while.  The sensation of drowning had passed, he no longer felt as though he were being smothered he would be okay.

The next time he left the lab, barely twenty-four hours later, things were better.  He leaned on his crutches and propelled himself into the kitchen. They were all having dinner, Steve perked up when he saw Tony enter but didn’t say anything.  When he sat down at the table, no one scooted closer to him. He felt a wave of relief wash over him.

“I made pancakes.  Gluten free.”  Natasha said simply.  She set a plate down in front of Tony, skillfully avoiding his hands.

“Why gluten free?  Joining the ranks of teenagers on a health kick, Nat?” Tony asked.  She smiled and shook her head.

Steve shifted in his seat, his hands fidgeting in front of him.  “You missed the movie the other day.  We were planning to watch another one, if you wanted to come.  You can pick.”  He said slowly, his tone not at all as commanding as it usually was.

Clint groaned.  “Man, really?  It was my turn.”  He said. “Stark’s probably into documentaries or the stock market or something boring like that.  I wanted to watch the new Mad Max.”

No one helped Tony up when he was done eating, no one reached out to support him if he stumbled, and when they all gathered in the entertainment room the team went to pile against each other on the couch and Tony curled up on the recliner near them.  It was good.  He was safe. He could watch the movie in peace without wondering if any of them were going to reach out and lay a hand on him.

~~~

“So, did you finally talk to them?” Rhodey said.  He wandered around the lab and inspected all the new gadgets with a curious eye.  Tony smiled.

“I told you, I’m a master communicator. My space is sacred once again.  I am completely at peace.”  Tony said, not trying to stop the smug tone that filled his voice.

Rhodey rolled his eyes.  Once he was done touring the lab like he always did during his visits, he sat down in the stool near Tony.  “Read about what happened to the leg, sounded pretty painful. How are you holding up?”  He asked.  Tony shrugged as he pulled the leg up and rested his casted foot on Rhodey’s lap.

“Been better.  Been worse though so can’t really complain.”  Tony said.  “On some pretty great painkillers actually.  Only hurts when I try to stand on it.”

“So stop standing on it.”  Rhodey said simply.  “Easy solution.”

“Right, you try having one of your legs wrapped in a thing.  It’s so hard. I feel so inconvenienced.”  Tony said.  He made a whining noise as Rhodey’s fingers reached up to the foot on his lap and started tickling his exposed toes.  He didn’t pull his foot away, but wiggled it around in his lap. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“Me too, Tones.”  Rhodey said.  “So, tell me about how annoying Captain America has been.  Did he make you eat all of your vegetables?  Did he make you go to bed by nine?”

“Nope, Captain Early Riser hasn’t messed with my sleep schedule at all, thank God.  Why do you always want to talk about him?”  Tony said.  “I think you have a crush.”

Rhodey laughed, it was loud and echoed off of the high ceilings and the acoustics of the room kept bouncing the noise back to them.  “Right, I’m the one with a crush.”  He said, shaking his head.  “Not you, who calls me once a day to complain about the blonde with beautiful eyes and a personality that makes your day and an annoying habit of trying to fight monsters five times his size and help old ladies cross the street.”

“He’s too perfect!  I can’t stand it.”  Tony said.

Rhodey pointed at him, his finger hovering just a few centimeters from Tony’s face.  “You like him.”  He said teasingly.  “Tony Stark is in love with Steve Rogers.  I can see it now.  You probably write ‘Anthony Rogers’ all over your notebooks.”

“We’re gonna fight.”  Tony said.  He shoved lightly at Rhodey’s shoulder.  “You and me, we’re gonna fight.  Battle Royal, last man standing.”

“In that case, nevermind.”  Rhodey said.  His fingers went back to stroking Tony’s toes.

It was nice, one of those moments where Tony didn’t mind people touching him.  He was relaxed, Rhodey’s soft touches were friendly and soothing, and he didn’t feel like anything was crawling under his skin at the contact. There was no feeling of being closed in, no sense of his space being invaded.  It was just him and Rhodey, hanging out on a nice day.

“I don’t think I could make it work.” Tony said as he watched Rhodey’s fingers.  “I’m not sure what I would have to do.”

Rhodey didn’t say anything for a while, he just kept up the gentle movements of his fingers.  Tony started at them as they trailed over the exposed toes of his injured foot.  When Rhodey finally took a deep breath, he glanced up at him.

“I’m not gonna lie, you both would probably have to do a lot of compromising.  Make sure you’re both happy and getting what you need from the relationship.”  Rhodey said. He sounded calm.  “He would have to work to make sure he didn’t push you for anything, to let you give and receive physical affection as you see fit. And, from what I heard from you, he’s very big on physical affection.  He’ll have to learn not to give you too much and make you uncomfortable and you’ll have to communicate with him when you’re willing to give and receive those kinds of things so he’s not being deprived.  You’re not good at communicating so it’ll be a lot of work for you too.”

Tony scoffed.  “Master communicator.”  He muttered.

Rhodey shook his head.  “No, Tony.”  He said slowly.  “You’re really not.”

They spent the rest of the day in silence, Tony appreciating Rhodey’s friendly touches for an hour more before he felt like he had to pull away.  He didn’t seem to mind, it was just that the receptive feeling was over and they were both going along with it.  They stayed together as Tony went about his work and Rhodey sat in the workshop reading.

Rhodey had his own suite, always reserved and ready for him whenever he felt like coming back for a while.  It wasn’t far from Tony’s, they had spent far too much time apart already and he didn’t want them to be separated for too long now that Rhodey was back for however long the military allowed him to be. The team welcomed him with open arms, shaking his hand and greeting him as if he was an old friend.  They proclaimed that someone who was so important to Tony would always be welcome to join them.

Steve smiled and shook Rhodey’s hand, they discussed war and service.  They talked about how the military had changed in the past 70 years and how it had mostly stayed the same.  Tony watched them, a smile growing across his face as they both got along and eventually started whispering in a secret conversation he couldn’t hear.

Tony didn’t mind at all, he was safe and curled up on his recliner, away from the dogpile of the rest of the team on the couch.  They were all at peace, enjoying a shared space.  Living with these people might just be easier than he thought.

~~~

“Stark, that’s disgusting!”  Steve said around his mouthful of waffles.

Tony didn’t pay him any attention. The cast was itchy, the skin irritated in a spot he couldn’t reach.  A fork worked perfectly and he wasn’t going to stop just because a few of the table’s occupants didn’t like seeing it.  “My house, my rules.”  Tony muttered.  “My fork.”

Steve sighed and shook his head. When he finally hit the part that itched, Tony moaned as the fork scratched it.  He also noticed the way Steve’s body stiffened at the sound, caught how quickly he averted his eyes.

They were sitting next to each other, far enough to not accidently touch, but still close.  Tony tossed the fork in the direction of the sink and smiles as it clanged loudly when it hit its destination.  Steve looked great, his hair was still sticking up from sleep, his cheeks were flushed for some unknown reason, and Tony’s heart skipped a beat whenever those long lashes brushed across his cheek.  Tony’s eyes wandered to Steve’s red lips, memorizing their shape and he found himself imagining what they would feel like under his own.

What really caught his attention was Steve’s hand, resting right next to his plate and his fingers were tapping against the table.  Tony realized he wouldn’t mind holding Steve’s hand.  It would be nice, to have those strong fingers resting between his. Steve had always tried to hold his hand when had first gotten injured, before Tony made it known how much he hated contact most of the time.  Steve would graciously try to give him hugs and brush the hair from his face and kiss his forehead, all because he was injured and Tony had felt like he was drowning in the touches, unable to breathe.  It had all stopped, much to his relief.

Tony reached out and laid his hand just inches from Steve’s, willing himself to go the last stretch of space and take his hand.  Before he could, Steve’s hand jerked away.  Tony frowned.  Thor was sitting on Tony’s other side.  Just to see what would happen, Tony leaned towards him, their shirts just barely brushing before Thor stood up and stepped away.

Not too long after, the feeling passed and Tony no longer wanted to reach out to them.  The next day he tried again.  He wanted to be held, so when it was time for them to gather and watch a movie he sat down on the couch instead of his recliner.  The team put space between them, they gathered tightly on one end of the couch and was careful to not let a stray hand or foot get anywhere near him.  Tony watched from the corner of his eyes as they all curled around each other.  The feeling passed.

He didn’t want to be touched again for another few days, and he reached out for Steve again.  This time going to simply lay a hand on his shoulder.  Steve pulled away and gave Tony a small smile. “That’s alright.”  He had said, waving Tony away.  Rhodey was nearby, so Tony sought him out and they cuddled on the couch in the workshop and marathoned some random show on Netflix.

They didn’t want to touch him. Tony had pushed them away and now they were sick of trying.  It was clear to him, none of them had ever actually been fond of him.  The first time Tony had ever tried to touch Steve was on the Helicarrier, he had put a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to show comradery, and Steve had slapped his hand away in anger.  Clint had been distant with him all during the Battle of New York and had only opened up to him after he offered him a place to live, kindness to the host was simply it.  Natasha had seen him at his worst, dying and drunk and angry.  Bruce was probably sick of all the jokes and jabs at the Hulk.  Thor had probably hated him since they had fought in the woods when they first met, still angry at all the smart-ass comments he kept making and laughing at his lack of understanding for Human Culture.

Tony was actually surprised he hadn’t seen it sooner.  They were trying when they first moved in, but now they were relieved that they didn’t have to anymore.  None of them really wanted to touch Tony.  It was probably for the best.  Tony didn’t want to be touched most of the time anyway.

It had all hit home that first battle after he had the cast removed.  He wasn’t actually supposed to be going into the field just yet, but he was needed. It had been a bad fight, too many soldiers with far too powerful guns and all of them had taken a few hits. They still won, although at the end of it they were all too worn down and in pain to celebrate.

Natasha looked them all over carefully, her hand cupping Clint’s face as she checked him for injuries.  She patted Thor’s shoulders as she made sure he was okay. Hulk held her hand as they spoke softly to one another.  With Steve, she circled him with a raised eyebrow and took his arms into her hands and held them up for inspection.  She did that until she was satisfied that they were all in one piece.

“Hey, Stark!”  Natasha called out.  Tony looked up at her.  “Are you okay?”

He nodded, she accepted it.  His leg felt like it was on fire, although it hadn’t been rebroken it had taken just a hard enough hit to ensure that he would have to wear a brace for a little while.  Other than that, he was fine.  No one thought it necessary to check him over and he didn’t need it. They didn’t want to touch him anyway. Tony wasn’t in the mood for it, so it was for the best.

~~~

He woke with a start, his eyes darting open as he pushed himself out of bed and onto the floor.  The carpet was rough against his fingers and the wall was cold when he pressed his back to it.  The lights brightened gradually, just enough for him to see his surroundings but not enough to overwhelm him.  He was home, in his bedroom.  His blankets were on the floor, his pictures were sitting on the nightstand, the clothes he had worn that day were lying on the ground near the door.  He was home.

“Sir, it is 3 o’clock in the morning. You are in Stark Tower in New York City.”  Jarvis said calmly.  “Your friends are all in their respective rooms, resting.  Shall I contact one of them for you?”

Tony shook his head quickly.  They would be angry with him for disrupting them. Or just simply annoyed.  They would demand an explanation for what he had dreamed about.  Or, worst of all, they would try to comfort him.  They would want to stroke his hair and hold him tightly in a warm hug.  Tony shivered at the thought.

He could still feel the hands gripping at his hair and holding his head under water.  The feeling of fingers prodding around in his chest.  The strong holds of people who dragged him down dark hallways.  Touching him, he didn’t like being touched.  People weren’t supposed to touch him.  He didn’t like it.  It didn’t stop.

The team couldn’t help him, no one could comfort him through this.  He didn’t want them to touch him.  He curled tighter in on himself, pulling his legs up to his chest and pressing his face into his knees.  He would be okay, he had Jarvis for company and all he had to do was wait it out.

~~~

“Are you alright, Tony?”  Natasha asked.  She was looking at him with a perplexed expression, her eyebrows drawn together and her nose wrinkled.  “You look exhausted.”

Tony looked away quickly.  He hadn’t realized he was staring at the spot next to Natasha until she had spoken.  He imagined the space would be nice, he could curl under her arm and play with her hair as they continued watching their baking show.  It seemed perfect in his head.

“I haven’t been sleeping well.” Tony said.  “I had to finish my generators.”

It was a lie, he had finished those months ago, but it was the first thing he could think of.  “I thought those were already done and going into production.”  Natasha said. Of course, she wasn’t the kind of person to let him get by with his lies.  “Or, I could be mistaken.”

She wasn’t mistaken and she knew it. Tony knew what was going to happen now, she was going to get him to tell the truth with a few carefully constructed sentences designed to gather information.  It was what she was good at.  Tony didn’t have the desire or the energy to keep the lies going, so he just let the truth flow freely.

“I’m sorry I was a dick.”  He said slowly.  “When we first met, I was such an ass and I get that you hate me.  I kinda hate me too.”

Natasha’s eyes widened slightly. “I don’t hate you, Tony.  You’re my friend.”

Tony shook his head.  “You can’t stand me.  I’m disgusting, I’m annoying.”  He said.  It sounded about as true as anything could ever be in his mind.  “You don’t want to be my friend, you don’t even want to touch me.”

“I don’t touch you, because you hate it. You’re my friend, Tony.  I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”  She said.  Tony froze for just a moment as she leaned towards him, not because he was worried that she would touch him, but because he hoped she would.

The touch didn’t come.  Tony shrugged.  “Not all the time.  Sometimes it’s nice.”  He said. “Most of the time I just want my space, nothing wrong with it.  But sometimes I just want to be held, or to hold someone’s hand, or he have someone play with my hair.  Sometimes it’s nice.”

Natasha placed her hand on the couch and waited.  It was close to Tony’s, but not yet touching.  It was an invitation, one that Tony could accept or decline.  He took it.  Natasha’s hand was soft, her fingers were slender and curled around his easily. He clung to it like a lifeline, as if at any moment she would realize what she was doing and jerk away like they always did.  She didn’t pull her hand away, instead she brought up her other one to rest on Tony’s shoulder and gently guide him closer.

He leaned against her fully, her arms wrapping around him and rubbing up and down his back.  “It’s been months, Tony.  You should have told us.”  She whispered.

Tony nodded and pressed his face into her neck.  Natasha didn’t seem to mind at all.

Once Tony had had his fill some hours later, he pulled away.  Natasha let him go and smiled.  They went back to their own sides of the couch and continued watching their shows as if nothing had happened.  They didn’t talk to one another, didn’t even give each other a worrying glance.  They just sat in peace and enjoyed each other’s company.

“I’ll fix this.”  She said once they were done.  Tony was going to go off to his workshop.  “We’re going to make this right.”

Natasha was right, she was going to fix it.  She must have talked to the whole team because within an hour Tony had an email for printable coupons for free hugs from Clint and an apology in the form of theoretical physics formulas from Bruce.  Steve stopped by to apologize in person.

Tony didn’t acknowledge him right away, but he waited patiently.  For almost half an hour, Tony had his arms buried in the dismembered pieces of his suit and Steve shifted from foot to foot by the door until he was directed into a seat near him.

“I’m sorry.  I just thought-“  Steve started.  He paused when Tony looked up at him.  “I thought you didn’t want me to touch you.  I didn’t think were wanted any of that.  I just assumed, and made you feel like we didn’t like you, and I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, Steve.”  Tony said.  He was willing to admit to himself that it still hurt.  That he looked at Steve worrying his hands in front of him and had a slight moment of panic that he would try to reach out to him.  He was also willing to admit to himself that just a few days ago Tony would have given almost anything to have the hands in his own. The feelings gradually shifted from one to another as time went on and Tony had no explanation for it other than it was just how he was.  “I’ve been told that I’m terrible with communication.  I can’t blame you for not knowing.”

“Still, I should have been there for you.”  Steve said. His shoulders slumped and he took a deep breath.  “I just let you suffer in silence and did nothing to help you.  That wasn’t fair to you.”

Tony laughed.  “Yeah, well I was the one who couldn’t tell you that I wanted to hold your hand.  I know how much you love crap like that.  You hug Natasha and throw your arm around Bruce’s shoulders and fist-bump Clint. You arm wrestle with Thor and you even use both hands when you go to shake with Rhodey.  You’re all touchy feely and I didn’t want to tell you when I did and did not want to be a part of it.  Kinda brought it upon myself.”

Steve shook his head quickly.  “No, you didn’t.  I guess I should have asked.  Should have known that you wouldn't refuse touch  _all_  of the time.”  He said slowly.  “I guess we both kinda messed up.  Let’s make a deal.  If you tell me when you are willing to let me touch you, then I will give you all the affection you want and then give you the space you need when you don’t want us to touch you.  Deal?”

Tony could feel his muscles loosen, months of worry and panic melting away.  “Best plan I’ve ever heard.”  He said. He leaned back in his chair and tried to hold in the wild grin he could feel trying to form.

“Great!”  Steve said.  A smile as bright as the sun lit up his face and Tony couldn’t stop that grin once he saw it.  “Are you okay if I hold your hand now?”

It was a simple question.  Tony didn’t feel like he was pressured to answer one way or the other, and Steve sounded calm and relaxed as if whatever the answer was he would accept.  Tony shook his head.  “No, not right now.  I’ll let you know when I do.”

Steve nodded.  “I would like that.”  He said, looking Tony in the eyes carefully.  “What about dinner?  Can we go get dinner?  I would like to talk more with you when we do.  Work on our communication.”

“Hey, I’m a master at communication.” Tony said.

Steve rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, I bet.  So, is that a yes or no to dinner because I’m actually kinda hungry?”

Tony’s smile widened.  He wanted to say that it was only because he was also hungry, that he wanted dinner so he could eat whatever he wanted and then ensure that physical comfort would be there if he came looking for it.  “I could eat.”  He said.

~~~

It was some months later, Tony was on the couch reading a book that Bruce had given him and Steve was watching some cartoon on tv.  Things were okay, they had been for a while.  Occasionally, if halfway through a movie during the times when the team got together Tony got up from his seat in the recliner to join them on the couch, then there was a spot for him to fit into and be held by all of them.  If Steve was holding his hand and then Tony suddenly pulled away, then they stopped touching without issue.  Natasha would sometimes be resting her feet in Tony’s lap and if he asked her to move them, then she did.  Thor hugged him whenever he asked for one.  Tony would lightly touch Bruce’s shoulder to let him know it was okay and then their hands would brush together when they passed things back and forth in the lab.  Tony would punch Clint’s shoulder playfully and they would wrestle until Tony told him to stop.  Pepper and Rhodey were as fantastic and understanding as they had always been.

“Hey, Steve.”  Tony said, looking up at him.  Steve smiled.  “If you wanted to kiss me right now, I wouldn’t mind.”

A mischievous look spread across his face.  “Oh, yeah?” Steve asked.  Tony nodded.  “Tell me to stop whenever.”

“I will.”  Tony said.

Steve leaned forward and pressed their mouths together, Tony didn’t mind at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to comment or follow my [tumblr](http://aceofultron.tumblr.com/)


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